| Accepted Sound Clip | File Name / Clip Length / File Size |
|---|
| "Ah, dude, you're getting a fake ID, and you're wearing a shirt that says you're in high school. So?" | highschoolshirt.wav / 0:04 / 19.1 Kb |
| Why Bartleby thinks his high school needs a glee club | gleeclub.wav / 0:19 / 74.9 Kb |
| "...I've got a good feeling about number eight" | 8.wav / 0:07 / 30.7 Kb |
| Monica (Bartleby's crush) asks Bartleby to mow her lawn (after misleading Bartleby into thinking he's invited to a party of hers) | mowlawn.wav / 0:19 / 76.3 Kb |
| Why Bartleby is not "too average" | notaverage.wav / 0:23 / 90.2 Kb |
| Bartleby's case against going to college | fiscallyirrsp.wav / 0:26 / 103 Kb |
| "Dude, I swear, if one more person tells me how excited they are to go to college..." | loseit.wav / 0:04 / 16.5 Kb |
| Rory did not get into Yale | yale.wav / 0:04 / 18.8 Kb |
| "...Not to mention the load it takes off my bank account" | loadoff.wav / 0:07 / 30.7 Kb |
| "...You realize that makes it shit, right - S-H-I-T?" | sht.wav / 0:07 / 28.5 Kb |
| "...For the safety of the public, I can't let you drive a bus" | bus.wav / 0:09 / 35.9 Kb |
| "...It's the most discreet and unharmed of the sister schools" | sisterschool.wav / 0:10 / 42.1 Kb |
| "...I carry around a list... of abandoned buildings for fake colleges" | fakecollegelist.wav / 0:08 / 32.1 Kb |
| "I got boned, hard, by every college I applied to..." | 0sat.wav / 0:13 / 50.9 Kb |
| What Sherman is/was afraid of | scared.wav / 0:13 / 54.1 Kb |
| "I got fired for making a shrimp slushee..." | shrimpslushee.wav / 0:06 / 25.9 Kb |
| "In life, it is important to distinguish between need and want..." | needwant.wav / 0:09 / 38.6 Kb |
| "...You sent the Dean of the University a bag of dog shit. It was a metaphor..." | dogsht.wav / 0:19 / 76.3 Kb |
| "...Isn't that a load of horseshit?" | horsesht.wav / 0:21 / 86.0 Kb |
| Ben's criticism of the college system | buyersandsellers.wav / 0:22 / 87.1 Kb |
| "...We're learning political science right now" | learning.wav / 0:12 / 48.6 Kb |
| Bartleby meets Abernathy Darwin Dunlap | add.wav / 0:18 / 73.5 Kb |
| "...I love it here, all the sexually repressed energy..." | bke.wav / 0:10 / 39.2 Kb |
| "I told you to make the website look legitimate, not functional..." | notclickable.wav / 0:12 / 47.3 Kb |
| "...It's a million dollars, Glen. Yeah, in human dollars" | humandollars.wav / 0:11 / 46.3 Kb |
| "...He said two dozen eggs, mom, you misunderstood, two dozen eggs" | 2dozeneggs.wav / 0:12 / 50.6 Kb |
| "...I can pay you all four years in advance. Okay, you're in" | yourein.wav / 0:12 / 47.2 Kb |
| "...Certain photography classes don't apply to a degree in photography?" | photography.wav / 0:14 / 57.9 Kb |
| "...My ass looks like hamburger meat, but I can still sit down" | life.wav / 0:16 / 65.0 Kb |
| "Glen, I love your wads" | wads.wav / 0:02 / 10.2 Kb |
| "...Well, could you tell me? Oh, yeah I could... Well, are you going to tell me?..." | whereleaseholder.wav / 0:11 / 46.0 Kb |
| Bartleby bribes Lizzie (his little sister) to not tell their parents South Harmon is a scam | bribe.wav / 0:18 / 72.6 Kb |
| "Ask me about my weiner" | weiner.wav / 0:02 / 11.5 Kb |
| "These are the happiest times of my life, all right..." | happy.wav / 0:05 / 22.5 Kb |
| "...My advice to you is to stop worrying before you spontaneously combust" | advice.wav / 0:05 / 23.5 Kb |
| What Bartleby is not very good at | notgoodat.wav / 0:12 / 50.8 Kb |
| "...You mean something funnier than your future alcohol abuse?" | funny.wav / 0:04 / 16.6 Kb |
| "...Does the run-of-the-mill college experience include stripping you of your dignity?..." | tradition.wav / 0:23 / 92.3 Kb |
| "What is it, cops? Worse, parents" | parents.wav / 0:03 / 13.2 Kb |
| "South Harmon Institute of Technology is not the sister school of Harmon..." | cousins.wav / 0:08 / 34.1 Kb |
| "The state defines a college as... Well, that's us, with the word 'higher' kind of loosely defined" | higher.wav / 0:08 / 33.8 Kb |
| "...I want to be a shithead" | shthead.wav / 0:05 / 21.0 Kb |
| "If this doesn't work, I'm going to prison..." | prison.wav / 0:03 / 14.1 Kb |
| "Why don't you take your PHD and shove it up your A-S-S?" | phdass.wav / 0:03 / 12.4 Kb |
| "This is not your orientation. This is your disorientation..." | disorientation.wav / 0:12 / 47.1 Kb |
| "SHAMO" | shamo.wav / 0:01 / 4.73 Kb |
Accepted stars Justin Long, Adam Herschman, Columbus Short, Maria Thayher, Jonah Hill, and
Lewis Black. In this movie, Bartleby Gaines (Long) is a high school senior who is rejected from
every college he applies to. He tries to convince his father he need not go to college in order
to be successful, but to no avail. Bartleby's other friends, Glen (Herschman), Hands (Short),
and Rory (Thayer), are in the same boat, and the four, with the help of their other friend
Sherman (Hill), who was accepted into the prestigious Harmon College, create their own college
using fake ID's and an abandoned mental institution which is located near the Harmon campus.
They even recruit Sherman's uncle, Ben Lewis (Black), to be the Dean (Ben had worked in
academia before but had a breakdown). Their scheme works, and the parents believe the South
Harmon Institute of Technology (the name of the fake college) is a real college. However, their
scheme works too well, and due to Sherman going too far with the college's website design (he
made the "Acceptance is just a click away" link clickable), every rejected college applicant in
the nation shows up at "South Harmon's" doorstep for orientation one day! Bartleby cannot find
it in him to turn the students away, so they use the tuition money from the students to
continue to upgrade their facility, which soon includes a skateboard half-pipe and an outdoor
swimming pool. While the college appears to be one big party, the students actually are willing
to learn, and Bartleby comes up with a way to have the students make their own cirriculum, as
opposed to a "real" college where everything is highly structured - after touring Harmon
College to get some insight as to how to run a college, Bartleby finds that the college
experience really does not teach one to follow one's heart, and he aims to make South Harmon
one that does.