Beerfest


Beerfest stars Paul Soter, Erik Stolhanske, Cloris Leachman, Jürgen Prochnow, Kevin Heffernan, Steve Lemme, and Jay Chandrasekhar. At the beginning of this movie, brothers Jan (Soter) and Todd Wolfhouse (Stolhanske) mourn the death of their German-born grandfather, Johann Von Wolfhausen. After the funeral, the brothers' great-grandma, Gam Gam (Leachman), gives them plane tickets to Munich, Germany, where they are to perform a ritual of spreading the ashes of their grandfather at Oktoberfest. While in Munich, Jan and Todd stumble upon Beerfest, an underground drinking game tournament run by Baron Wolfgang Von Wolfhausen (Prochnow). At Beerfest, Jan and Todd find out they're related to the Von Wolfhausens. However, the German team claims Johann was a stable boy who stole the recipe for "the world's greatest beer," then fled the country with his prostitute mother, Gam Gam (later, Jan and Todd find out the part about Gam Gam being a prostitute is true). Jan and Todd challenge the Germans to a drinking contest, the Germans win easily, and after that, Baron coldly tells Jan and Todd to leave and destroys Johann's urn by throwing it against a wall and spilling out all the ashes.

Upon returning to the states, Jan and Todd swear to get revenge on the German team by forming their own beer drinking team to compete in Beerfest the following year. They recruit Phil "Landfill" Krundle (Heffernan), a former brewery employee and current competitive eater; Dr. Charlie "Fink" Finklestein (Lemme), a Jewish scientist who "studied everything about everything, including beer;" Barry Badrinath (Chandrasekhar), the best drinking game player Jan and Todd have ever known and is currently a homeless male prostitute. After they train for a while, Landfill stumbles upon the secret beer recipe the Germans talked about. It turns out that Johann had had the recipe in his wooden dummy, and he just did not know about it. The five brew the recipe and quickly discover it truly is the best beer ever. Unfortunately, it is not long before Wolfgang finds out the USA beer team has the recipe, and Wolfgang and the German team try every dirty trick they can to obtain the recipe. At one point, it appears they are successful, as one of Wolfgang's spies retrieves a recipe off Fink's computer, and in the process kills Landfill by knocking him into a beer vat (Landfill is quickly replaced by his twin brother Gil, who, in turn, asks to be referred to as Landfill by the others), but it turns out Fink does not keep the secret beer recipe on his computer. Also in their year of training, Jan and Todd learn they are the rightful heirs to the Bavarian brewery, as Johann was Wolfgang's older half brother and first born son of Baron Wolfhausen, Sr. In the end, after the Beerfest participants and spectators see how much Jan and Todd do resemble the Beerfest founders, Beerfest becomes a personal matter when the German team and the US team compete against each other in the finals - if the US team wins, it gets the brewery; if the German team wins, Wolfgang gets the secret recipe.

Beerfest Sound ClipFile Name / Clip Length / File Size
"...Now, I will never know what happens on The Young and the Restless." *laughs*youngandrestless.wav / 0:11 / 44.0 Kb
"Mother, I always knew you would outlive me."outlive.wav / 0:04 / 16.8 Kb
"...I reckon you're taking the 'fest' out of Oktoberfest..."99bottles.wav / 0:29 / 114 Kb
"Where are we going, Mr. Spittelspackel?..."spittelspackel.wav / 0:02 / 11.0 Kb
Jan and Todd have stumbled into Beerfestbeerfest.wav / 0:18 / 70.6 Kb
"...You go. I'm never leaving this place."neverleaving.wav / 0:06 / 25.7 Kb
"...That's no shoe. That's Das Boot..."dasboot.wav / 0:11 / 46.1 Kb
"...You do not bring outsiders to Beerfest."nooutsiders.wav / 0:07 / 30.4 Kb
"...Gam Gam a whore? Obviously, there's a translation problem here."whore.wav / 0:16 / 65.7 Kb
"Instead of having Deutschland's greatest beer, we merely have fourth best..."4thbest.wav / 0:10 / 42.1 Kb
Why Americans are not accepted at Beerfestnoamericans.wav / 0:16 / 64.9 Kb
"You guys fancy yourselves drinkers, huh?..."drinkers.wav / 0:04 / 19.3 Kb
"...You want our best two? Yeah, how about our worst two, right?"worst2.wav / 0:14 / 56.4 Kb
"...Go back, and get a BJ from your great grandma, on me."bj.wav / 0:06 / 27.2 Kb
"...I accidentally walked into a wall..."berlinwall.wav / 0:05 / 21.6 Kb
"...They want a war. We'll give 'em a war they won't believe."war.wav / 0:16 / 64.5 Kb
Landfill was fired from his job at the brewery because he had been drinking beer from the assembly linefired.wav / 0:06 / 24.5 Kb
"Somebody did die that day [Landfill was fired] - me..."idied.wav / 0:10 / 42.6 Kb
"Stroke it. Stroke it. Stroke it hard."stroke.wav / 0:02 / 11.4 Kb
"We're extracting frog gamete for cloning trials. You're jerking him off."jerkoff.wav / 0:03 / 15.5 Kb
"I'm published in four journals. Yeah, what? Toad Load Weekly?"toadload.wav / 0:03 / 12.9 Kb
"...Who's Barry Badrinath? Who's Barry Badrinath?..."badrinath.wav / 0:14 / 56.4 Kb
"...What's a ZJ? If you have to ask, big man, you can't afford it."zj.wav / 0:09 / 35.9 Kb
"...$25. No no no, you'd be training with us over the next year. Thirty. $30."30bucks.wav / 0:11 / 44.1 Kb
"...No one leaves here until we finish every single last drop."drinklotsofbeer.wav / 0:23 / 92.2 Kb
"...The guy that brought us there - they killed him."supersecret.wav / 0:08 / 32.8 Kb
"...Some of my best friends are whores. Yeah, we know."whore2.wav / 0:09 / 37.9 Kb
"If you can drink ram's piss, you can drink almost anything."ramspiss.wav / 0:04 / 16.0 Kb
"...Bavarians have been warming sausages like that for hundreds of years. Would you say it's their oldest profession? Shut up, Landfill."oldestprof.wav / 0:12 / 49.2 Kb
Landfill mocks Fink's lecture on how "Das Boot" worksfrustrating.wav / 0:29 / 113 Kb
What Landfill, Fink, and Barry have to say about the secret German beer recipebestbeer.wav / 0:08 / 34.4 Kb
"...Don't shoot the messenger. Don't worry, we're not going to shoot you."dontshoot.wav / 0:10 / 42.8 Kb
"How about a little sex on the beach?..."sexonbeach.wav / 0:04 / 19.1 Kb
"I'm drunk, you're drunk, everybody's drunk."drunk.wav / 0:04 / 16.3 Kb
"...Is [Operation Recipe Retrieve] the title we all agreed on?..."opnames.wav / 0:27 / 109 Kb
Landfill almost spills it to his wife that he's practicing for Beerfestpracticing.wav / 0:16 / 65.0 Kb
"Those are euros. What's that like - pesos?..."euros.wav / 0:10 / 42.0 Kb
"Time to scheisse or get off ze crapper."scheisse.wav / 0:02 / 8.81 Kb
"...Somehow, I cloned a batch of monkey frogs..."monkeyfrogs.wav / 0:15 / 61.4 Kb
Part of Landfill's eulogy, delivered by Finklfeulogy.wav / 0:26 / 102 Kb
"We are all whores in some way."allwhores.wav / 0:03 / 12.2 Kb
"...I don't know what I would do if somebody shoved a paddle handle up my ass..."paddleupass.wav / 0:17 / 66.6 Kb
"...I've had all kinds of things shoved up my ass."upass.wav / 0:06 / 25.9 Kb
Jan, Todd, Barry, and Fink meet Landfill's twin brother, Gilgil.wav / 0:15 / 58.8 Kb
"Landfill Two, you are twice the man Landfill One was."landfill2.wav / 0:03 / 15.1 Kb
"...Technically, you haven't been training. Can it, college boy..."collegeboy.wav / 0:09 / 37.1 Kb
"I got a cowboy on one side and an Indian on the other; it's like the Wild West."wildwest.wav / 0:02 / 10.1 Kb
"We came here to drink some beer..."drink.wav / 0:05 / 21.7 Kb
"...I'm sorry, what, what time?... Do you know what he's saying?"whatsaying.wav / 0:11 / 44.9 Kb
"...It's all about fluid dynamics and quantum bubblenautics..."beatboot.wav / 0:11 / 43.2 Kb
"We're gonna wipe our schwanz on you."wipe.wav / 0:02 / 9.93 Kb
"...You can pork my wife anytime."pork.wav / 0:06 / 23.9 Kb
"...We're the bad guys, and they're the good guys, and I'll be damned if we're gonna let the good guys win..."goodguys.wav / 0:26 / 102 Kb
"We already have the recipe... You are holding the recipe for a low carb strawberry beer..."strawberry.wav / 0:29 / 115 Kb
"...One, we're not babies, and, two, we're not that drunk..."notthatdrunk.wav / 0:18 / 72.0 Kb

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