| Big Stan Sound Clip | File Name / Clip Length / File Size |
|---|
| "You lost, Stanley. I didn't lose. You're the lawyer. You lost." | lost.wav / 0:04 / 16.2 Kb |
| Stan's original lawyer will not bribe the judge for him | bribe.wav / 0:18 / 73.6 Kb |
| Stan's second lawyer argues in Stan's defense with a "community" clause | community.wav / 0:29 / 117 Kb |
| "...I know I'm going to jail someday. You don't see me crying about it." | crooked.wav / 0:12 / 48.0 Kb |
| Stan does not want to have a child | child.wav / 0:21 / 83.6 Kb |
| "So it's true, huh? A lot of guys turn gay in prison? I'm always gay. I only rape people in prison." | gay.wav / 0:06 / 26.9 Kb |
| "...Looks like everybody's gonna rape you..." | rape.wav / 0:28 / 109 Kb |
| "Isn't there some way I can cultivate some kind of crazy outlaw image? You have to kill a dude. Without killing a dude?" | kill.wav / 0:06 / 24.3 Kb |
| "...You might as well buy a welcome mat and strap it to your ass. Say 'I'm open for business.'" | mommy.wav / 0:14 / 56.9 Kb |
| "...What's gonna happen, Mindy? Is my anus gonna grow teeth?" | anusteeth.wav / 0:06 / 24.8 Kb |
| "I will be unrapeable!" | unrapeable.wav / 0:03 / 12.5 Kb |
| "Do you have anything you could tattoo around my sphincter to make it less attractive?" | sphincter.wav / 0:04 / 18.5 Kb |
| "...I'm a yellow belt. Nobody's afraid of a yellow belt." | yellowbelt.wav / 0:08 / 34.1 Kb |
| "You couldn't knock a shit out of a paper bag full of shit." | sht.wav / 0:05 / 21.7 Kb |
| "...I travel where the wind takes me." | wind.wav / 0:12 / 48.7 Kb |
| "...What I teach is not art, it is science..." | science.wav / 0:23 / 90.8 Kb |
| "...I find doubt, and I turn it into will." | doubtwill.wav / 0:18 / 73.7 Kb |
| "...Well, if you don't drink that, the boys in prison will feed you many hot dogs." | hotdogs.wav / 0:12 / 49.4 Kb |
| "...You didn't kick me in the ass. I didn't feel anything." | didntfeel.wav / 0:08 / 34.8 Kb |
| "Pain is an interpretation." | pain.wav / 0:02 / 8.91 Kb |
| "...Someday these nipples may save your life." | nipples.wav / 0:05 / 21.8 Kb |
| "...All that stuff about pain and illusion, that sounds totally mystical, but, 'You are what you eat,' even I know that, and I am from Omaha." | areeat.wav / 0:18 / 72.2 Kb |
| Mindy thinks Stan is selfish | selfish.wav / 0:21 / 82.6 Kb |
| "...We'll have a baby. Really? No, not really, but, maybe we can visit people who have kids." | baby.wav / 0:12 / 47.1 Kb |
| "...What if your opponent is good close and from a distance? Well, then, you are up to your eyeballs in shit." | closedistance.wav / 0:16 / 65.7 Kb |
| "...Who's number one? I hope you never have to find that out. He used what I taught him not for his own protection, but for evil." | number2.wav / 0:14 / 56.7 Kb |
| "...It's just as bad as they say it is. The sooner you kids realize that, the better." | bad.wav / 0:06 / 24.4 Kb |
| "...What you animals do to each other, that's your business." | onerule.wav / 0:10 / 39.5 Kb |
| "...They'll talk your ear off and then sue your ass." | scientologists.wav / 0:10 / 39.9 Kb |
| "...Pick up your gold teeth. I'm gonna let you keep 'em this time..." | goldteeth.wav / 0:11 / 46.9 Kb |
| "...I had to beat up the biggest shithead on the cell block, and he just happened to be talking to you." | helpingme.wav / 0:13 / 52.5 Kb |
| Stan has removed his own handcuffs | dislocating.wav / 0:17 / 66.9 Kb |
| "You know, you wardens should complain, because in the movies, they always make you look like real asses." | wardens.wav / 0:05 / 21.1 Kb |
| "...Them real estate contracts - those things put a real hurt on you." | hurt.wav / 0:08 / 33.3 Kb |
| "The system is corrupt. Me likey." | corrupt.wav / 0:02 / 11.3 Kb |
| "...You feel good because your enemy's anus has been violated." | anusviolated.wav / 0:15 / 59.8 Kb |
| "...You might as well ask me if I feel sorry for the maggots I grind into my morning coffee." | sorry.wav / 0:08 / 35.1 Kb |
| "I think that Madame Foreman is just one orgasm away from giving you your appeal..." | orgasm.wav / 0:09 / 36.9 Kb |
| "...You've been sitting there for a while writing to no one special." | noonespecial.wav / 0:07 / 27.4 Kb |
| Stan's cellmate has killed his significant other | killedher.wav / 0:16 / 65.0 Kb |
| "...Rape the rapists? Seems appropriate..." | rapists.wav / 0:11 / 46.3 Kb |
| Stan starts his own prison gang, which proves to be hugely popular | gang.wav / 0:11 / 45.9 Kb |
| "Before we go any further, there's three little words I need to hear..." | 3words.wav / 0:06 / 23.9 Kb |
| "We ain't had a fight in three days..." | nofight.wav / 0:21 / 84.7 Kb |
| "...I guess being away from me this long made you crazy." | bestsex.wav / 0:05 / 23.4 Kb |
| "Stan, you ever have two Asian men pounding your balls right after you have sex with a questionably attractive older woman?..." | poundballs.wav / 0:08 / 33.9 Kb |
| "...I'm not an Arab. I'm Persian. What do I care? You look like an Arab." | arab.wav / 0:08 / 33.7 Kb |
| "Shit goes down at 12:30. At 12:35, I'm in the real estate business." | 1235.wav / 0:07 / 27.8 Kb |
| Stan deliberately blows his parole hearing | satanspedophiles.wav / 0:25 / 100 Kb |
| "...You're impotent, that's great. Not really." | impotent.wav / 0:20 / 78.6 Kb |
| "...There are many things you will not see coming." | notseecoming.wav / 0:12 / 48.0 Kb |
| "Somebody didn't strengthen their titties." | titties.wav / 0:02 / 8.50 Kb |
| "I'm Big Stan. No more rape." | bigstan.wav / 0:02 / 8.09 Kb |
Big Stan stars Rob Schneider, David Carradine, Jennifer Morrison, and Scott Wilson.
In this movie, Stan Minton (Schneider) is a crooked real estate broker who is convicted of
fraud and sentenced to a minimum of three years in prison. However, he has six months to get
his affairs in order, thanks to a plea bargain by a crooked lawyer. To prepare himself for
prison life, and to ameloirate his fear of rape, he enlists the services of a kung-fu guru
known as "The Master" (Carradine), and really devotes himself to his training, even to the
point of his wife, Mindy (Morrison), leaving him before he even begins his prison sentence.