| Witless Protection Sound Clip | File Name / Clip Length / File Size |
|---|
| "Let's go do some good" | good.wav / 0:01 / 7.38 Kb |
| "...We figure it's either his girlfriend or his horse. With Elmer, it's the same thing" | horsegirlfriend.wav / 0:11 / 45.7 Kb |
| "...Staking out the Crispy Creme, putting up his profile on intimate-cousins.com" | whereyou.wav / 0:08 / 32.3 Kb |
| "...Federal Bureau of Guys Who Show Their Buttcracks" | fbi.wav / 0:07 / 29.8 Kb |
| "I know... a bad moon when it rises" | know.wav / 0:07 / 28.0 Kb |
| Who drives black Suburbans? | blacksuburban.wav / 0:07 / 28.2 Kb |
| "...I want to get some..." | getsome.wav / 0:08 / 33.7 Kb |
| "Well, what if you're wrong? Like the time I..." | wrong.wav / 0:20 / 78.7 Kb |
| "You can't make an omelet without cracking a few walnuts" | omelet.wav / 0:03 / 11.8 Kb |
| "...No men in black kidnappers... has been by here today" | nomib.wav / 0:09 / 38.3 Kb |
| "...Escape from the clutches of evil. How? By impeaching Bush?" | escape.wav / 0:07 / 28.2 Kb |
| "Are you insane? No, I'm Larry" | insane.wav / 0:03 / 12.3 Kb |
| Larry has rescued Madeline from FBI agents who are kidnappers? | brainwashed.wav / 0:11 / 43.2 Kb |
| What Larry thinks of Liberals | liberals.wav / 0:04 / 19.5 Kb |
| "...Does the compass point north? It does, sir" | north.wav / 0:08 / 35.0 Kb |
| "I didn't think it was possible... for you to be dumber than you look..." | dumber.wav / 0:07 / 30.8 Kb |
| "I know these backroads like..." | backroads.wav / 0:06 / 25.5 Kb |
| "He could just be indignant..." | indignant.wav / 0:08 / 33.8 Kb |
| "...If he's had her, he's had it..." | hadit.wav / 0:09 / 36.3 Kb |
| "Check in. Oh no, this is barbeque. I'm a steak kind of guy..." | checkin.wav / 0:11 / 43.7 Kb |
| "...Size bed? King?" | bedking.wav / 0:09 / 36.3 Kb |
| "...His law firm? No, his drinking buddies" | lawfirm.wav / 0:08 / 32.5 Kb |
| "...Oh, I do have feelings for you..." | feelings.wav / 0:23 / 91.3 Kb |
| "Your attitude is uncooperative..." | attitude.wav / 0:05 / 20.2 Kb |
| "...Last time I took these off in public, I had skunks coming out waving white flags" | gasmasks.wav / 0:20 / 78.6 Kb |
| "...Why are you shouting?..." | shouting.wav / 0:07 / 30.6 Kb |
| "I've seen better horsemanship on the merry-go-round" | merrygoround.wav / 0:03 / 14.8 Kb |
| "...If you'd have smelled those feet, you'd have let him go, too" | letgo.wav / 0:03 / 15.4 Kb |
| "...Punch in the DOJ website. Dynamyte jugs?..." | doj.wav / 0:07 / 30.0 Kb |
| Larry makes up a fancy title for his position to grab Madeline's defense attorney's attention | fbisouth.wav / 0:21 / 82.4 Kb |
| What "Roger" really means to the British | roger.wav / 0:08 / 34.0 Kb |
| "...Traveling with you is better than the South Beach Diet" | diet.wav / 0:04 / 16.9 Kb |
| "...You're beneath me. Well, anyway, you could be after four beers" | beneathme.wav / 0:16 / 63.9 Kb |
| "Wherever they use their cell phone, it's like sending up a flare..." | flare.wav / 0:10 / 40.6 Kb |
| "...Some pilot crawled up her ass and tried to fly her" | bernice.wav / 0:10 / 42.4 Kb |
| "...You didn't see me sucker punching people who are trying to help me" | stress.wav / 0:14 / 55.5 Kb |
| "...The higher up I get, the more crookeder it gets" | crooked.wav / 0:05 / 20.5 Kb |
| "...When folks are shooting at me, run" | run.wav / 0:06 / 25.9 Kb |
| "Having money ain't the same thing as having class" | class.wav / 0:02 / 10.7 Kb |
| Botox can be fatal in large doses | botox.wav / 0:14 / 56.5 Kb |
| "...I know horses, and I know balls" | polo.wav / 0:05 / 20.1 Kb |
| "I'll go incognito. Ha, you gotta wear underwear..." | incognito.wav / 0:04 / 18.3 Kb |
| "Why don't you leave the law enforcement to the professionals? Why don't you?" | professionals.wav / 0:03 / 14.0 Kb |
| Larry sees polo as the "demolition derby with horses" | demoderby.wav / 0:07 / 30.6 Kb |
| Larry dreams of "getting a nut rub from Scarlet Johannsen" | dreams.wav / 0:08 / 33.4 Kb |
| "...She just has one of those familiar asses" | familiar.wav / 0:06 / 26.5 Kb |
| "...All I smell is the stench of your corruption" | smell.wav / 0:08 / 32.5 Kb |
| "Deal, or no deal? Would you like to call a friend? Wrong show..." | deal.wav / 0:06 / 25.2 Kb |
| "...Does he know the lighter's the key too? He does now..." | knowsnow.wav / 0:11 / 43.7 Kb |
| "I'm gonna miss your bodily functions..." | miss.wav / 0:03 / 15.2 Kb |
Witless Protection stars Daniel Lawrence Whitney (aka, Larry the Cable Guy) and Ivana
Miličević. In this movie, Larry (Whitney) is a small town Sheriff's deputy whose
lifelong dream is to become an FBI agent. He believes his opportunity comes when he spots
Madeline (Miličević), whom he believes is being kidnapped. However, she was really
being escorted to a corruption trial, in which she is a witness, by FBI agents, so it appears
that at first, Larry is endangering his career and is a kidnapper. Later, though, it turns out
the federal agents who "kidnapped" her ARE corrupt and were actually trying to prevent her from
testifying against her company. It is up to Larry to protect Madeline, and along the way, the
two develop a special bond (despite that she is "high society," while he is a "hillbilly").
They go through several adventures, including riding in a manure barge, Larry playing with
Madeline's high society peers (some of who happen to be connected to the corruption trial) in a
polo match, faking Madeline's death, and attending a Summer Solstice Ball, which is held in the
mansion of Madeline's ex (who is the ringleader in the corruption scandal). Along the way,
Larry also realizes what his purpose in life really is, and it is not to become an FBI agent
after all.